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In some ways, the upper elementary years are a parenting sweet spot. Kids are somewhat autonomous with the basics of eating, sleeping, toilet issues and personal care. But they haven’t yet experienced the full effect of adolescent hormones and teen drama. However, the 7 to 10 set isn’t without worries. As kids tap into social media and the pressures formerly reserved for middle and high school, parents are worried–and with good reason. There are unique challenges and opportunities as children shift from early childhood to greater independence.
What Do Parents of 7 to 10-Year-Olds Worry About
Every phase of childhood has its struggles. In the upper elementary years, we may worry less about our children’s physical safety as they become more independent and better able to communicate. However, there’s often more stress related to their social relationships and technology use.
- Social and emotional development: parents often express surprise when their children experience bullying, relational aggression and “mean girls” in elementary school. Children in this age range may get their first taste of peer pressure, social conflict and the sting of getting left out of cliques or social events.
- Screen time and technology use: Parents worry about finding the right balance as children use technology at younger ages. They want children to connect with peers but fear that too much screen time will come at the cost of authentic social relationships and physical activity. We also worry about exposure to inappropriate content online.
- Behavior and discipline: Your sweet little kindergartener may become a handful in fourth grade. Parents often worry about managing defiance, talking back, setting boundaries, and teaching responsibility and respect.
- Academic performance: Around third grade, as children shift from learning to read to reading to learn, parents often worry about their children falling behind in school or struggling with specific subjects. Elementary students may struggle with executive function and getting homework done. This age is often when children are diagnosed with learning disabilities.
- Health and physical development: As your child grows and develops clear preferences, we may see picky eating or overeating/weight concerns. Many families also experience sleep disruption or challenges in the upper elementary years.
How Can I Support My 7 to 10-Year-Old?
Some parents struggle to help their children navigate the transition from a young child to a middle schooler. There are many big feelings and new sources of conflict. Many of the best strategies involve acknowledging independence while creating boundaries and a sense of consistent support from the background.
- Encourage independence by staying connected. As children get older, many parents feel an urge to tighten the reins. However, many families find that allowing children to make decisions and express themselves within certain boundaries is the best solution. Give your children flexibility in making smaller choices about food, clothing and activities. Encourage them to deal with minor problems independently while letting them know you’re there for them for more significant issues.
- Emphasize opportunities to connect as a family in fun, low-pressure ways like family game nights. Schedule one-on-one bonding opportunities with each child.
- Encourage children to communicate openly about their feelings and role-play social situations to build confidence.
- Create a structured homework routine and provide extra support for challenging subjects. Acknowledge hard work and effort instead of focusing only on grades.
- Set screen time limits and act as a role model for screen time. Establish technology-free family time (including meals and outdoor time) and ensure parents practice what they preach.
- Give your kids choices between healthy food options to promote a sense of agency. Involve your children in shopping and preparing food. This will give them self-determination, create opportunities for screen-free family interactions, and build confidence.
- Consistency is key when setting rules and boundaries for your upper elementary-age kids. Be consistent with rules and expectations. Use positive reinforcement and natural consequences to encourage them to learn from mistakes and celebrate positive behavior.
Does My Elementary Schooler Need Professional Support?
The upper elementary years are not always the freewheeling time many parents may remember. They often set the stage for future challenges with school and social relationships. Addressing concerns early is the way to go. Parents can take steps to help at home, but sometimes families need professional support. Parents can seek help from pediatricians, counselors or school staff in several areas:
- Persistent anxiety or mood changes
- Social withdrawal or aggressive behavior
- Significant difficulty with reading, writing or math
At Loudoun Pediatric Associates, we know that every child develops at their own pace. As parents, one of the best things we can do is create a loving and supportive environment that acknowledges their growing independence. Role modeling good practices for everything from food to screen time is another winning strategy. And you’re not in it alone. If you have questions or concerns about your child’s development, your family pediatrician is here for your precious kiddos–and you too.
