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The holidays can be stressful for many of us. For families affected by divorce, navigating the holidays can be even more challenging. If this issue affects your family, you’re not alone, with around 800,000 divorces in the US each year. We all want the best for our kids and long for the sense of holiday magic to remain.
Dividing time between households and navigating each parent’s rules and expectations can be overwhelming for kids. However, during the holidays (and all year round), prioritizing your children’s well-being can help parents overcome obstacles and create joyful holidays. Remember to let your love for them shine through in how you and your ex-spouse behave. And (as always), avoid putting your kids in the middle of conflict.
Why Are The Holidays So Tough?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children’s post-divorce adjustment problems often resolve after two or three years. However, there may be flare-ups during the holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions because of the additional pressure and scheduling challenges. The end-of-year holidays can be incredibly challenging, given all the other scheduling and financial stress issues. Whether your child spends specific holidays with each parent on alternating years, splits holidays between households or has an absent parent, the holidays can amplify existing challenges and create new sources of tension.
How Can My Ex-Spouse And I Best Support Our Children After Divorce?
The AAP has a list of excellent recommendations for helping parents prioritize their children and work together to support their best interests throughout the year.
- Shield your children from disagreements.
- Work towards consistency instead of offering your child vastly different expectations at each parent’s home.
- Support the other parent’s authority.
- Help your children maintain routines.
- Counseling may help both children and parents.
What Are Tips For Co-Parenting During The Holidays?
As hard as it may be, communicating with your ex-spouse is one of the best things you can do to put your kids first and make the holidays smoother for everyone.
- Plan well in advance and communicate regularly with your ex. It prevents misunderstandings and reduces stress.
- Be flexible in upholding traditions and gatherings with your ex’s extended family. Preserving traditions with grandparents, cousins and other loved ones often benefits your children. Go out of your way to make these things happen for them.
- If you’re not with your child on a specific holiday, you can still joyfully celebrate the next time you are with them. Help them understand that the real joy is in spending time together, no matter the date.
- Whenever possible, collaborate instead of competing when it comes to gift-giving.
- Communicate with older children about plans, expectations and reasons for arrangements.
- Take care of yourself and arrange to spend time with friends and loved ones when you’re not with your kids.
- Help your child shop for a gift for the other parent to demonstrate goodwill and foster positivity.
Navigating Divorce During The Holidays: How Can My Pediatrician Help?
As always, your child’s mental and physical well-being is a top priority for your pediatrician. That’s why it’s essential to let your doctor know about life changes like divorce and share information if your child seems depressed or anxious. The supportive team of experts at Loudoun Pediatric Associates can help you find ways to communicate with your child about the process in a developmentally appropriate way. We can also recommend family counselors and help parents find mental health or substance abuse resources. Divorce does make certain situations more challenging. However, if spouses are happier living separately, you can better give your child the support they need. When navigated with a child-centered approach, the holidays can be less stressful for divorced parents and children.
