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Holiday traditions are so valuable. The memories we create can stay with our children for a lifetime. But it’s so easy to go overboard to create a picture-perfect holiday. When parents push too hard to create perfection, it can lead to disappointment and stress–for our kids and ourselves. Sometimes the best way to build happy, healthy and fulfilling holidays is to take a step back and shift focus.
What’s The Secret to Making Holiday Memories–And Staying Sane?
Focusing on people instead of things makes it easy to stay centered. When you talk with your children about holiday events, share what makes you excited about spending time with family and friends. Place spending time with loved ones at the center of celebrations and traditions.
- Create simple traditions that are easy to return to year after year and don’t necessarily come with a high price tag. Bake cookies or prepare a special meal as a family. Work together to support a local nonprofit. Organize fun, low-cost outings with family and friends that don’t involve too much hoopla. Remember when that spontaneous post-celebration trip to the park was the best part of the holiday?
- Don’t go overboard or put too much pressure on yourself. So often, the moments we build up in our heads as parents turn out to be disappointing. Those perfect holiday photos go awry when one kid is out of sorts. Or the much-anticipated (and expensive) trip turns into a nightmare when overscheduled kids melt down. On the flip side, the small, unexpected moments can bring the most joy. Set up a one-on-one lunch date with a child while shopping for others. Drop off cookies to an elderly neighbor. Make sure to recognize and acknowledge the simple joys with your children.
- As always, watch out for social media, and avoid comparing your traditions with others. The ubiquitous Christmas elf always comes to mind at this time of year. Some parents love to go all out (and broadcast it widely). For others, it’s a source of stress. As parents, we don’t always have to keep up with the Joneses. Talk with your children about what’s meaningful to them. Sometimes the answers will surprise you.
- If you’re stressed, your kids will notice. Set boundaries and reflect on your own expectations. Often what your children want most is quality time with you.
What If My Child Is Disappointed at Christmas Time?
Gift-giving is part of Christmas–there’s no way around it. Our kids have desires and expectations that come with the territory. Media, peer pressure and other factors all come into play. We want to bring joy without creating entitlement. We also want to help them handle disappointment constructively. Here are some ways you can help your child manage holiday disappointment:
- Keep expectations in check. If your child repeatedly asks for an item outside your budget, find thoughtful and creative ways to avoid disappointment.
- Downplay Santa’s role in the process from the outset. One trend is to do small gifts from Santa, with parents taking credit for larger presents. It helps provide consistency and makes it easier to manage expectations when budgets are tight.
- Don’t shame your child for their reaction. You can validate their feelings while encouraging them to see the bigger picture and focus on gratitude.
- Ask questions encouraging them to see the positive aspects of their gifts and the holiday experience.
- Take a problem-solving approach that gives your child agency. If there’s a toy or device they really want, help them think of ways they can earn it or contribute down the road.
- Focus on giving. It’s a cliche, but it helps. Spending time providing gifts or meals for others takes your child outside of themselves and lets them experience the rewarding warmth of helping others.
How Can I Keep the Holidays Happy and Healthy?
Children are creatures of habit. One of the reasons the holidays can so often turn from wonder and light to meltdown mode is that our kids are taken out of their routines. As pediatricians and parents, some of the tips that keep us sane during this most joyful (and crazy) time of year include:
- Spend plenty of time outside. Add a family walk to your holiday gatherings or hit the local playground with the family.
- Make sure kids get regular nutritious meals in addition to the goodies.
- Keep sugar in check and offer healthy choices.
- Try to keep sleep schedules as stable as possible.
Happy holidays from Loudoun Pediatric Associates, and best wishes for a healthy new year!