How Can I Help My Child Prepare For A New Baby?

Getting a new sibling is exciting but also confusing and scary for a young child. The sibling relationship is one of life’s great joys but full of ups and downs. When your young child is used to having your full attention, shaking things up with a newborn can be stressful. The older child may experience jealousy and anxiety, while parents stress about how the sibling will adjust. Most children experience mixed emotions, from excitement to fear of losing their parents’ affection. As parents, there are steps we can take to make the transition easier for everyone. The most effective strategies are tailored to the older sibling’s age, but whatever their age, making the older sibling feel loved and included is a priority.

How Can I Prepare My Young Toddler For a New Baby?

With young toddlers, there’s often a lack of awareness that might make things easier at first. However, children in this age group are also the least aware and able to process change. In many cases, jealousy arises a little later as their new brother or sister gets more active and significantly impacts their lives. Tips for helping young toddlers adjust include looking at picture books about new siblings to familiarize them with concepts like baby, brother and sister and introducing ideas about family relationships. Lean on your partner, family members and friends to support your toddler while you spend time with the baby – and ask for help so you can dedicate one-on-one time to your toddler. Do something special with your toddler when the new baby arrives, and make sure friends and family members are also showering the older sibling with love. Be sure to offer praise when your toddler is kind and loving with the new baby. There’s nothing like positive attention to encourage positive behavior.

How Can I Help My Preschooler Adjust To A New Baby?

Children ages 2 to 4 can be the most challenging since they have greater awareness but cannot self-regulate like older children. One recent study showed that the average age gap between siblings is widening, now around four years.
Unlike toddlers, preschoolers are old enough for more transparency and accurate information. Most experts recommend giving children in this cohort a few months to prepare and provide explanations.

• Explain that there will be positive and less positive impacts and that they won’t be able to play with the baby immediately.
• Affirm that the new baby won’t change your love for the older sibling. It can also help to emphasize the benefits of being a big kid and remind them of everything they can do that the baby can’t.
• Read books about families and siblings and discuss the fun aspects of having a sibling. Reading with your older child is also a terrific activity while breastfeeding the baby.
• Involve your preschooler in planning for the baby. It gives them agency and creates a sense of excitement. Some parents buy a doll for their older child so they can practice caring for their own baby.
• Be flexible with your preschooler’s benchmarks and avoid shaking up their routine just as the baby arrives. For example, knock out toilet training before their new sibling arrives or wait until things have settled down.
• Don’t fret about a bit of regression. Many preschoolers experience bathroom accidents and other toddler-like behavior after a new sibling arrives as a way to get attention. Instead of getting upset, gently ignore the behavior and actively praise the “big kid” behavior.
• After the baby arrives, set aside intentional one-on-one time with the older sibling and ask loved ones to plan fun activities with your preschooler. Create opportunities for your older child to spend extra time with the other parent.

How Can I Help My Elementary Schooler Prepare For A New Baby?

Children 5 and older are usually less threatened and more understanding than their preschool-aged counterparts. However, they still need plenty of attention and continued focus on their activities and interests.
Tell them about the new baby reasonably early to give them time to process the news and ask questions. Explain the joys and the downsides of having a new baby (including less flexibility).
Check out a sibling class offered by your local hospital or a community group so they can learn strategies and connect with other kids in the same situation.
Involve your child in planning for the baby. Many older children thrive on being part of the planning process and bring fun and creative ideas to the table.
Give them minor roles in caring for the baby so they feel engaged and involved.
Remind your child that you love them and attend their activities whenever possible.

When Should I Worry If My Child Isn’t Adapting To A New Sibling?

Children may use negative behaviors to get attention when a new baby arrives. Parents may be overwhelmed by the new dynamic, and simply giving in and letting things slide might be tempting. But Nationwide Children’s Hospital says consistency is key. Their tips for handling negative behaviors include:

• Acknowledge and talk about your child’s feelings and help them express mixed emotions they may be feeling.
• Don’t overlook negative behaviors, and apply consistent consequences.
• Respond to regressive behaviors with “planned ignoring.” Avoid giving the sibling attention when they regress and offer praise when they return to their usual age-appropriate behaviors.
• If your child displays aggressive behavior toward the baby or regressive behavior persists, talk with your pediatrician about additional interventions and therapies.

How Can My Pediatrician Support My Family When A New Baby Arrives?

Becoming a new parent is both exciting and scary. But things can get even more challenging the second time around as families deal with shifting dynamics. Children who have had years as the center of attention can take time to adjust to sharing the spotlight. However, as most children learn, siblings are fun. We can navigate challenging behaviors with consistent consequences and plenty of love. Talk with your pediatrician if you have ongoing concerns or problem behaviors that won’t go away. At Loudoun Pediatric Associates, we’re here to support growing families and help young patients (and frazzled parents) adapt and thrive together.